If I knew what I know now

People who tease others about their appearance are insecure

I was about 8 years old and crying hysterically. I dropped to my knees and prayed to God to make my skin lighter. I was being teased about my dark complexion. This wasn't the first time. It was about the 100th time. Elementary school kids can be so mean. Before being teased in school I didn't have any insecurities. I didn't see anything wrong with my dark complexion. I let their insecurities negatively affect my self esteem. It took a few years before I accepted my complexion and saw beauty within myself.

Colorism is real. Even in the 21st century. I am still subjected to backhanded compliments that I view as offensive " You're pretty for a black girl". I've traveled to over 16 countries and colorism is still a problem around most of the world. If I knew what I know now, I would tell my 8 year old self " People who tease others about their appearance are insecure. You're beautiful, you're worthy. Pay them no attention."

You don't need to be in a relationship every time you feel "lonely"

From the ages of 22-25 I thought that I always had to be in a relationship. As a result, there were a couple of relationships during that time frame that were a waste of time, space, and energy. As I'm nearing the end of my 20's, I've realized that the second decade of my life should be spent growing, learning, and doing things for self. I'm not sure when having a "man" was comparable to wearing badge of honor. But it's silly.

It's a honor to be comfortable with who you are. To be empathetic. To tackle and strangle your demons. To grow. To become a better person. Your 20's should be a year of self-discovery. Tinker with things until you find what you really like and want. If that's with a partner, that's fine. If you're alone on the journey, that's fine too. If I knew what I know now, I would tell myself " You don't need to be in a relationship every time you feel lonely."

Stop spending all of your money on Fly Shit

Now that I'm on a journey for financial freedom and independency, I often look back at how fiscally irresponsible I was in my early 20's. I've probably spent well over 60k on clothing and travel in the past 5 years. Just thinking about how much money I could've made off real investments scares me. However, I'm grateful that I am now on the right track. It's never too late to be smart about your money. If I knew what I know now, I would tell myself " Stop spending all of your money on Fly Shit."

Find God early

I've always believed in God, but my mom didn't force me to go to church every Sunday. I lived that way for most of my life until October 2018. I had a break up and I set out on my journey of self-discovery. I was browsing podcasts to listen to. I came Across Rachel Luna's Podcast that featured Tiphani Montgomery. The title of that particular podcast was "Unusually Blessed Month".

After that podcast I set out to learn everything I could about Miss Tiphani Montgomery. I listened to ALL of her periscope sessions within a week. Her messages motivated me to start attending church on Sundays. I started learning that God wants the best for me. Anything I ask God for I can have. God will never put me through more than I can bear. God has my back. God loves me. I've been hooked ever since.

I've changed my thoughts about sex, relationships, and money. I now have a greater sense of belief that anything is possible with God. I'm more confident. I'm not afraid to step out on faith. I'm not afraid to contact vendors to collaborate with. I'm not afraid to travel around the country to do pop up shops. I'm not afraid to travel the world. I'm not afraid to defend my dissertation in front of a committee of advisors who have PhD's. I have the firm belief that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. If I knew what I know now, I would tell myself " Find God early."

People will disappear into thin air. Let them and meet new friends.

I left 2017 with 5 good friends from college and walked into 2018 with 2 good friend from college. I won't go into great detail about what transpired. But long story short, I wasn't able to make it to a friends' very special event because of my responsibilities. After that, I saw myself being excluded from gatherings. I kept it moving.

Meet new friends and enjoy your life. Remember everyone comes into your life for a reason, season, or lifetime. I believe that my friends from college came into my life to help me get through the season of my college experience. I am grateful for that. I still wish them the best, and occasionally pray for them. God will reveal why it all transpired later. Trust him. If I knew what I know now, I would tell myself "People will disappear into thin air. Let them and meet new friends".

Take care of your body. Exercise!

Self care is a movement that has gained a lot of momentum in the past few years. Before 2017, I really didn't understand the concept of self care. We all know that exercise and proper nutrition are good for health. But, I didn't see people jogging the streets of the west side of Detroit. The concept of exercise was foreign to me. When I attended Cornell, I would look at the white males and females jogging and shrug my shoulders. It had nothing to do with me. It wasn't until I started studying obesity in grad school that I started to get serious about my health.

African Americans have the highest rates of obesity compared to other ethnicities. Approximately four out of five African American women are overweight or obese.

People who have obesity have a significant increased risk of mortality, hypertension, type 2 diabetes, coronary heart disease, stroke, gallbladder disease, osteoarthritis, sleep apnea, endometrial, breast, colon, kidney, gallbladder, and liver cancer, clinical depression, and musculoskeletal pain. Not only does exercise help control weight, but it also decreases the risk of health conditions and diseases such as stroke, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, and some forms of cancer. Exercise also improves mood, promotes better sleep, and boosts energy.

You don't have to hit the gym or pay for an expensive membership to exercise. Try out Leslie's "Walk at home" on YouTube. or Brittne Babe's fitness challenges. If I knew what I know now , I would tell myself " Take care of your body. Exercise!"

I often ask my social media followers " If you knew what you know now, what would you tell your younger self" . Here are a few of my favorite gems.

On being fiscally responsible

@esq_fashionista " 1. Pay off your student loans early. 2. Shop less and save more. 3. Travel before getting married/having kids. 4. Don't limit yourself to one area. Don't be afraid to relocate. 5. Trust your instincts more.

@goyard_unlimited "Control + Alt _ Delete. Control the way you spend your money, alternate the decisions you make, and delete all the negative energy that's not happy for you"

@lngelegsan " Save $100 per month. Listen more than you speak. Travel for pleasure annually. People speak most honestly when they're angry."

@msryandanielle "You are the only one who can defeat you"

On relationships

@veleakaj "Don't rush to get married. I had a great career, no kids and felt my clock was ticking to become a wife. Pick with extra caution... divorce is expensive."

@m.amoureux "Don't give your 100% self to someone who gives you 25%."

On believing in yourself and knowing your worth

@rezzyxo " Protect your peace. Don't fall for the "Corporate America Act". They still won't respect it . Be you. Follow your dreams and learn how to say NO."

@sweet6jap "1. Negotiate the hell out of the offer (salary) made to you for your first job out of college. Never take their initial offer without trying to negotiate. Vacation hours are negotiable, but you will most likely only have legs to do so with some work history under your belt. 2. Financial security is key. Sit with a financial advisor as early as you can to jumpstart your financial goals. 3 No fixer upper men unless they have a solid plan that they are working towards. Being equally yoked with your partner is important . Love is not all. 3. Nobody should love you more than you love yourself. Make sure you take care of your mind, body, and soul and make yourself a priority. 4. Celebrate ever win whether big or small."

@_flyherenow "Don't settle. Set boundaries and stick to them. Don't worry about the opinions of others. Don't let other people dictate your life. Learn from your elders and don't make the same mistakes they did. Accept who God made you to be and understand that it's ok to be true to yourself and love yourself first."

@truebeautyt33 "Finish school early. Buy a house or two. Ignore what other people say and think. Worry about yourself. Learn and take better care of your body and mental health."

@iamcovergirlbre "Standards: have them stick to them, and don't deviate. You will get what you desire if you put in the work."

@jus_sweets " Protect your space and energy.... spirits are not just transferred through sex. Save and get your credit together. Learn how to love yourself, you'll be much more happier. You are great. Stop doubting and second guessing yourself. Stop procrastinating, hold your head up high, and go for it."

@drinkgoodwithmax "Become a decisive women. Trust yourself. Never apologize for your desires or standards you've set for your life. Always maintain your femininity, it's your superpower."

@official_katrinabelin "There's nothing you're doing wrong. Sometimes your dopeness is intimidating. Be yourself. Love yourself. Stay true to yourself."

@zita0316 " First, put God as the head of your life and everything you do. Be true to yourself and love yourself as your father (God) loves you. Invest in your dreams and what you want for your life. Smile all the time , but don't be afraid to cry when you need to. You are human. Take time out to invest in family wether blood or water. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone. Work on your own flaws before you try to doctor someone else's wounds. Give thanks everyday for what you are blessed with and stop focusing on what you don't have. Never let anyone set standards on who you are or who you want to become. If you have a husband and children, love them every second like it's your last breathe. Always have a rainy day fund. Travel . Take the money you spent on designer items to invest in your goals. Pamper yourself, don't wait on anyone to do it. Last but no least, remember it's never too late to pick up your baton and start your marathon."

@toosiepop1983 "Find a friend in the Lord. He knows the real you, so no need for fronting. He'll never stop being your cheerleader. He knows where you're headed, even amidst your pit stops. He'll provide you with all the desires of your heart. He'll love you when you don't love yourself."

@laurenxolauren "The magic happens outside of your comfort zone!! Push yourself. Take every chance! Fear is an illusion." 

@yoisypin "Your two biggest assets are your time and freedom. Use them wisely."

If you knew what you know now, what would you tell your younger self? Feel free to drop those gems below.